First off, thank you so much for all of your outpourings of love. I am so blessed. Your support keeps me motivated.
Second, my Dad made a fabulous comment about my last entry. It was so DREARY! I totally forgot to mention all the fabulous things about not being anorexic anymore; about being healthy.
- For the first time in 9 years I went to a restaurant and ordered off the menu...without getting tense, without freaking out that there was a little too much dressing, that is wasn't super healthy. When the meal came I just took a deep breath and enjoyed every delicious morsel.
- I can sleep in some days b/c I don't NEED to do 3 hours workouts everyday. If I miss a day I move on. I don't let it freak me out b/c I am doing more harm to my body physiologically by stressing out about not working out then if I had actually gone.
- I can, and do, eat chocolate. Delectable, rich, dark, organic chocolate. God...for this one reason alone I can never go back to not eating.
- For the first time since I've known my step-family I ate Christmas dinner with them.
- I can have a glass of wine now and again. Before I would never drink b/c it had too many calories. A occational glass of red wine never killed anyone.
- THIS ONE IS THE BEST!! I am not cold all the time. Before I had like 0 body fat. Now that I'm somewhat insulated I can go out in winter and not turn into a fat-free popsicle.
- I can eat carbohydrates!! OOOHH brown rice, beans, quinoa, manna bread, how I love you.
- I have rosy cheeks again.
- I can shop at stores other than baby Gap.
- I have quite a fabulous ass! Yes, I am totally in love with my perky, round butt!!
- And for all those health reasons...I have gotten my menstral cycle again, I will not get osteoporosis, I will not get a heart murmer, I no longer have brittle nails and hair, I will not die early, etc...
- And most of all, it is awesome not being anorexic anymore b/c I get to wake up every day, look in the mirror and say "Damn girl, you did it! You're doing it!!...............now get yourself a piece of chocolate".