Thursday, January 14, 2010

The White Elephant

I have been getting a lot of questions about why I have started a blog about recovering from anorexia. I had to think about it for a while and there is no simple answer. There are really a million reasons...Crap, I feel super vulnerable right now but here goes

- b/c every time I look at my new body in the mirror I hate what I see
- b/c I never feel good enough
- b/c most of my self-worth is wrapped up in how I look
- b/c even though people tell me how beautiful and healthy I look I think I'm fat
- b/c I feel uncomfortable being around people in my new body
- b/c none of my clothes fit but the idea of going to the store and putting on clothes destroys me
- b/c thinking about my body, exercising, and what I'm eating (or not eating) is a full time job
- b/c I desperately want to stop feeling this way
- b/c I don't know anyone else who truly understands how I feel
- b/c I know my body is a gift from God and that I should treasure being healthy
- and I guess lastly b/c I am desperately sad...b/c I wish I could look in the mirror and be proud of who I am...b/c I feel like an absolute failure...b/c I am tired of crying...and b/c my soul literally literally aches

Because I DO NOT want my future children to feel how I feel...period.

Please send this blog to as many people as you know. Please help me uncover the beast that is sweeping through our nation. If you are starving yourself from essential nutrients in the attempts to 'look better' you have an eating disorder. Please help me spread the message that 'you are beautiful and you are loved'.

Thank you.

Sarah xoxo

1 comment:

  1. Sarah;

    I don't know you very well, ( we met because I was a magnet to baby Paddington on campus 2 years ago), But I think that you are a very strong woman and this blog is great. People should not be asking you, "Why are you writing a blog about this?" but instead praising you for sharing your difficult experience. This blog alone could change someone's life in a positive way, even if it is ONE person!!!

    I have always been very open to other's about the difficulties i've gone through my life, this helps me. There is nothing to be ashamed of. I have always felt that, the more people share about their difficulties in their lives, it makes you feel less alone because you know other's go through difficulties as well. Although many people deal with different things in their lives, most of us have dealt with sad, terrible, angry, emotional, disappointing and all of the above situations in life!! For people to hide and criticize is terrible because the truth is, everyone has had to deal with unwanted situations and feelings. You are not alone, many women suffer with body disorders, it is difficult because of what our society and culture focuses on.

    Do not beat yourself up!!! We are only human! No one is perfect. I mean that in the sense that we are many times fragile and emotional and human beings have difficult times dealing with situations. The most important thing in life is to be healthy! Being healthy allows us to be happy because we are able to do the things in life that we want to do!
    We are SO lucky to be born in North America where most people have the opportunity to do anything they want. We have a choices!

    Focus on your health, which includes;

    Eating healthy, fruits, veggies, protein, etc..
    Being active!
    Being happy
    Thinking positive and NOT negative about things in life
    Thinking alone changes things... thinking negative can get you stuck in a rut.
    You are able to control your thoughts and emotions!!!

    I congratulate you on taking steps to improve your life and health!!!! Anything you can do, to help yourself, is awesome.