I have been getting a lot of questions about why I have started a blog about recovering from anorexia. I had to think about it for a while and there is no simple answer. There are really a million reasons...Crap, I feel super vulnerable right now but here goes
- b/c every time I look at my new body in the mirror I hate what I see
- b/c I never feel good enough
- b/c most of my self-worth is wrapped up in how I look
- b/c even though people tell me how beautiful and healthy I look I think I'm fat
- b/c I feel uncomfortable being around people in my new body
- b/c none of my clothes fit but the idea of going to the store and putting on clothes destroys me
- b/c thinking about my body, exercising, and what I'm eating (or not eating) is a full time job
- b/c I desperately want to stop feeling this way
- b/c I don't know anyone else who truly understands how I feel
- b/c I NEVER WANT ANYONE ELSE TO SUFFER FROM THE PAIN THAT I HAVE GONE THROUGH
- b/c I know my body is a gift from God and that I should treasure being healthy
- and I guess lastly b/c I am desperately sad...b/c I wish I could look in the mirror and be proud of who I am...b/c I feel like an absolute failure...b/c I am tired of crying...and b/c my soul aches...it literally literally aches
Because I DO NOT want my future children to feel how I feel...period.
Please send this blog to as many people as you know. Please help me uncover the beast that is sweeping through our nation. If you are starving yourself from essential nutrients in the attempts to 'look better' you have an eating disorder. Please help me spread the message that 'you are beautiful and you are loved'.