I decided I needed a challenge from chicken and rice so I tried out a granola bar recipe. Oh, how I learned a couple of lessons with this one.
1) Baking does NOT have room for ingredient substitutions. If you don't have what the recipe calls for, or enough of it...get some. Do not try to substitute with random things in your cupboard. Doesn't work.
2) If the recipe calls for milk, water does not take it's place
3) If the recipe calls for honey do not try to substitute for some healthy altrenative. It does not work.
Today I made these yummy-sounding chocolate protein granola bars. When I think of granola I think of a modge-podge of nuts, oats, and dried fruit. I kinda always thought you could throw anything into a bowl, add liquid, stir, and shape. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way. I traded the flour for protein powder, the honey for stevia and water, and the nuts for flaxseeds. Oh boy, you can imagine that they did not exactly turn out like the picture. And since there was so much water in the bars, when I went to put them in the freezer they completely froze. Sometimes cutting calories can be a health hazard. I was desparate to try this chocolate miracle but I couldn't break it into pieces. I'm banging it on the counter, against the cupboards, and stabbed it repeatedly with my $100 knives...only to break the damn knife. You'd have died to seen me pick up the whole piece and bite the corner off. I'm surprised I didn't break a tooth.
Oh, but were they tasty. I mean, not in a Nature's Valley, artificial sugary, sort-of-way, but in a I-busted-my-butt-to-make-these-healthy-granola-bars-so-I-better-like-them sort of way. It was the taste of success.
On another note, I have to admit that I had a major set back. Friday I had a meltdown at the gym. Usually I can keep the tears back until I get home but not then. As I stared at my not-so-perfect body in the mirror I couldn't help but be washed away by the floods of self-judgement. I KNOW I'm healthy, I KNOW my body is still adjusting. When does this end?? Why can't I look in the mirror and always like what I see. It's a constant roller coaster, some days I'm happy, some days I'm sad. I always feel like I need to change my self in some way...to improve myself, to be better. But for who, and why? These are the questions I struggle with every day.
Thank you all for keeping me going. The battle continues...xoxo